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I Love U.S. Banks
Banks, there are all kinds. There are private banks, public banks, world banks, local banks, traffic banks, blood banks, river banks, left banks, and right banks. Of all the banks, I guess U.S. banks are my favorites.
I love their buildings, their images of the business world in personal settings that not only says "make yourself at home", but also oozes stability and security. I love the business suits, the bank manager, the teller, the secuirty guard, the loan officers, account managers, and the pamphlets and forms. Oh my, got to love the pamphlets and forms! It is in the pamphlets and forms that I fall deeply in love with all U.S. banks! It is within these pamphlets and forms that one can learn about the single digit, annual interest paid on one's deposits. It is within these forms and pamphlets at some banks that tell of a wonderful arrangement that allows you to deposit funds, in U.S. currency only, please, to be used periodically to cover checks or drafts for a modest monthly fee. "Yes, I will pay you to use MY money, Mr. Banker. What a deal! Besides I'm raking in that annual percentage rate of 2.5%. Why at this rate I'll surely have enough to purchase that shiny new loaf of bread at the end of the year!" It is also included in some of these harmless, heart warming pamphlets an arrangement offered espcially to me, "a valued customer", whereby I can put my domicile to work for me. Afterall, why let that equity sleep while I'm out there bustin' my hump everyday? I can have instant gratification and wrap myself up with another loan that, I'm assured by my banker, will benefit me in the long run. Let's see, my mortgage payment carries with it a 5.5% rate of return for my friends at the bank. It's a fairly new loan but I have managed to accumulate a couple of thousand dollars in equity. But wait!!! The bank says they'll be really nice and appraise my domicile at 125% of it's value. My, my! Look at all that money! Sign me up at 8%, Mr. Banker. You are truly a good friend! Please, allow me to let you use my money in the currency markets so that you can get your 40% return A WEEK on my cheap money. Please allow me to go so far into debt that I will be locked in and beholding to to this wonderful system of servitude for the rest of my life. Allow me, Mr. Banker, to offer you, at my death, the assets you have so graciously allowed me to accumulate for you. It's been my pleasure.
Let's face it, Lansky, Segal, Luciano, Gotti...they got nuttin' on deez guys. The cloak of legitimacy is priceless and settling. Makes you wonder, "How'd they do that?"
I also love U.S. banks because they care about my privacy. They have seen to it that legislation was passed and the law enforced to make sure that my information stays private. That is, to other people notwithstanding Federal agencies that may need to know whether or not I am making strange transactions-those transactions that just don't fit into my "normal" spending habits. They care about my privacy sooooooo much that they actually send me little statements every once in a while declaring just what the are doing to make sure my information remains private. God bless you, Mr. Banker.
I guess I love U.S. banks the most for making my point for me. When the subject of my wrath proves my point for me, I don't have to do much more convincing. Thank you, Mr. Banker, for treating the foreign depositor better than you treat citizens of your own country. Thank you for the opportunity to pay you to use my money without offering a fair rate of return more inline with what the rest of the world pays for the use of funds. Thanks for using what could be my child's college money for your own progeny. And finally, thank you for making sure that the F.D.I.C. will cover those institutions that "really matter" in this country while leaving the rest of the banks to fend off depositors demanding liquidation of their accounts. Thanks for making my job easier. |
The Venture Resource Group
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